Power in His Prime Mate
by Shooting Star Sky Saint
Summary: Crackfic "Fullmetal, why do you have a monkey tail?" Mustang asked. "I don't know..." Ed answered. "Well then, it seems that you're not only an alchemist but a ba-boon to society!" Roy cried in laughter. "Shut the hell up, Colonel!"
1. Chapter 1

"Um… Boss…" Havoc nearly dropped his cigarette when he saw the short blond waltz into Mustang's office. All eyes were on Edward; even Alphonse who knew about what plagued his brother couldn't resist but stare oddly down at him.

"Edward… what…" Riza stuttered. Roy Mustang, unlike everyone else, reveled in the oddity that Edward displayed.

"Well, Fullmetal, you've neglected to turn in your report." Mustang smirked, "Were you _monkeying _around again?"

"Shut the hell up, Colonel." Ed coldly responded.

"Aw, what's wrong? You're cranky aren't you? Well, I think I have a banana somewhere around here for you to eat."

"Shut up, Colonel…" Ed gritted his teeth, anger seething from him.

"And what will you do if I don't?" With his smirk growing wider, Mustang finished, "Fling poop at me?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP COLONEL BASTARD!" Edward screamed. Al quickly grabbed hold of his brother before he had the chance to leap over the colonel's desk and beat him to a pulp.

Mustang laughed heartily before getting the "I'll shoot you" glare from Riza and stopping. His expression turned serious once again as he asked, "Fullmetal… why do you have a… monkey tail…?"

Ed stopped fuming and flicked the brown tail that followed his emotions. "I don't know…" He said with a frown, "I just woke up with it…"

"…" Mustang leaned back in his chair and sneered again. "So, you really have no idea how this happened to you?" Ed shook his head as his tail curled around his waste. "Well then, that's _chimply _marvelous."

While Mustang laughed at his ridiculous pun, all of his subordinates sighed with disappoint and Al tried very hard to keep his brother from murdering Roy in a blood rage.

**:3 review please? **


	2. Chapter 2

"Fullmetal, as funny as this is to see you dancing around like a monkey. I need to know, how did you get that tail?" Mustang snickered, still laughing a bit from his joke.

Al had somehow managed to calm his brother down just enough to let him stand by himself. Ed flicked his tail irritably and huffed, "Like I said Colonel, I don't know, I just woke up with it."

"Woke up with it?"

"Yes. I woke up with this… tail…"

"Well it seems you have a great _ape _of a problem!" Roy laughed.

Al quickly grabbed his brother just in time but Ed squeezed out of Al's grip and jumped on the Colonel's desk. His tail curled around the colonel's neck and pulled his face into his. "Your jokes are not funny. Your humor is old just like you, and if you don't quit making fun of me I'm going to sneak into your house and turn it upside down."

"Ed. I think you're overeacting." Hawkeye said.

Ed growled in disgreement.

"Brother, you should let go of the colonel," Al said, "I think you're chocking him…"

The older Elric looked back at Roy and noticed his blue face and furious expression. Ed thought for a second but didn't release his tail.

"Ed. Release him." Riza said.

Ed didn't flinch.

"_Edward_." Riza said dangerously.

He still didn't flinch.

"I'll give you a banana if you let him go…" Riza said with a smile.

Ed squeezed his tail tightly and fumed. "I. Am. Not. A. Fucking. **Monkey**!"

(The author Is being lazy right now and ending the scene right here… hey, at least it wasn't the chapter xD)

"Brother, you shouldn't have done that to the colonel." Al sighed.

"So what? He deserved it!" Shouted Ed.

"But you made him pass out!"

"He's alright."

"Miss Hawkeye had to use a respirator on him!"

"I said he was alright not great." Scoffed Ed as he looked to the night sky. "Jeez, we wasted a whole day…"

"Yah, but the sky looks pretty cool, even the moon with the stars around it." Al said woefully.

"Yah, I suppose so…" Ed sighed, flicked his tail and looked at the full moon above him. He stared and stared until he felt his heart beat loudly and slowly. His pulse raced and his eyes turned a bright red as he stared on at the full moon.

"You know what's really strange Ed…" Al continued, unaware of his brother's change.

"There's no one outside and-" He was cut off when he heard his brother scream in a horribly feral tone. He turned back to Ed to find his clothes tearing away from his growing body. Fur grew all over him, teeth sharpened to a point and his tail fidgeted with him.

"Ed?"

What now stood before Alphonse was a 60 foot golden ape. The ape looked down at Al and hollered into the night, banging his gigantic fists against his chest.

"… um, what just…"

**Okay, I'm done, the next chapter will be the final one XD thanks for reading and please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

The golden ape rampaged through the city, smashing buildings and wreaking havoc on the denizens of Central. Al stared confused up at the ape and sighed.

"Great… now what am I going to do?" He asked himself.

"Stop him." Roy said casually as he appeared beside Al.

"Colonel! How did you get here?"

"Funny you should ask, you see I was in the middle of taking a shower when I felt an earthquake. Strangely enough my whole house collapsed and I fell right on-"

"You know what? I lost my interest." Al said quickly.

"That's the same thing I said." Riza said, appearing beside the Colonel.

"Lieutenant! How did you get here?" Roy asked.

"I have to follow the Colonel just to make sure he doesn't lock himself out of his house." She flatly answered.

"Lock himself out?" Al asked.

"Ya. He one time locked himself in a water chamber just to prove that he was a magician." Riza said.

"Hey! I got out didn't I?" Roy boasted.

"After you fell unconscious and I had to break open the chamber just to keep you from drowning."

"Ha! But I got out!"

"That day was so stressful for me that I had a seizure."

"I'm magic!" Laughed Roy.

"Hello, magic man!" Cheered Goku as he waved to the Colonel.

"Who the hell are you?" Al asked as calmly as he could.

"You're in the wrong anime, Goku." Riza said, pinching the bridge between her eyes.

"Really? But, there's an Oozaru right there…" Goku said confused.

"That's my brother!" Al shouted.

"Oh. How are you going to stop him?"

"I… don't know yet…"

"Sucks for you then." Snickered Goku. He floated in the air and gave a peace sign. "Here's my advice to you, cut off his tail and he'll turn back to normal." Energy flowed around him as he blasted into the sky. "Peace out!"

"…" Al groaned and rubbed his temples. "How am I supposed to cut off his tail?"

"Like this!" Cried Roy as he came up to the soldier and Elric in a small airplane. Al's eyes drooped in confusion and amazement while Riza's face stayed the same.

"Sir, what is that?" Al asked.

"An airplane!"

"But those haven't been invented yet…"

"I made it magically appear!"

"But airplanes only appeared in the Conqueror of Shamballa… from the other side of the Gate…"

"Don't doubt my magic!" Roy said. All of a sudden, the golden ape pounced towards them and scooped Riza up in his hand. "No! Not my lieutenant!"

"…" Riza remained calm as Ed began to walk towards Central HQ. "I'm fine, sir." She said.

"You can't have her!" He cried. "Who else will make my coffee and sprinkled doughnuts?" Riza sighed. "Come on Al."

With haste, Al jumped in the second seat of the airplane as Roy took off into the sky. Ed growled as the plane buzzed around him like a fly. He swatted wildly and started to climb up Central HQ. He climbed and climbed until he was at the very top where began to beat his massive fist against his chest.

"I'm going to be sick…" Riza swooned as she was banged and moved constantly. Ed roared as the Colonel flew even closer to him.

"Sir. I don't think you should get so close to him." Al warned.

"Why not?" Roy asked.

Suddenly Ed opened his mouth and roared even louder, this time a beam of energy shot from him and narrowly hit the Colonel's plane. "That's why!" Cried Al in a panicked state.

"You know, it would've been better if you told me this before!" Shouted Roy.

"I didn't know he could do that!"

"You didn't know he could shoot lasers at us?"

"No! I didn't!"

"Did you know he could shoot flying monkeys at us?"

"What? He's not even doing that!"

"Well I wish I could!"

"… oh for the love of-" Al suddenly took control of the plane and stirred it to its side.

"What are you doing?" Roy asked.

"Taking control of the plane, what does it look like?" Scoffed Al.

"No! Its my plane!" Roy then started to fight for control of the plane causing it to twist and turn in the air.

"What the hell are you doing!" Al asked terrified, "You're going to make us crash! Let go!"

"No! I'm the magic man, therefore I'm the pilot!"

"You wanna see something really magical?" Al asked with a scowl, "My fist will magically appear in your face if you don't let go of the damn controls!"

"Ooh! I wanna see that trick." Suddenly the controls broke from Al and Roy both pulling on it and the plane began to spin out of control. The two passengers screamed in horror as the plane went up and down in the sky, performing all types of twists and tricks.

From a distance, Ed and Riza watched amusingly as the plane spun out of control. Ed snarled with a devious ape smile on his face while Riza snickered, "This is the best seat in the house."

Suddenly the plane flew towards the great ape and dived down, cutting off Ed's tail in a strip of coincidence. The golden ape shuddered and trembled as he began to shrink in size, his tail turned to dust as fur and fangs disappeared without a trace. Riza fell at the same time a naked Edward did and screamed. Goku who held Edward over his shoulder suddenly caught her. "Are you alright, miss?"

"Not really, I can feel a seizure building up…" Goku laughed as he landed on the ground and put down Riza and Ed.

"Uh, why am I naked?" Ed asked.

"You just turned into a giant ape and ripped away all of your clothing. Do you really think you would appear with clothes on?" Asked Riza,

"The characters on 4Kids always have clothes on after they transform."

"That's 4Kids, they'll replace cigars with smoking lollipops just to Americanize anime."

"True very true…" Ed cringed, "Wait, where's Al?"

Suddenly the plane crashed nose first into the ground beside them. "Here!" Al grinned as he jumped out of the wrecked plane and into the arms of his brother. "I'm so glad your back to normal Ed… and you're naked… um… alright then…"

"Magic man saves the day again!" Roy hollered as he jumped out of his plane. "And now for the finishing touch!" Roy then clapped his hands and turned the plane into a block of metal. "Remember to always recycle that which you find and dispose! And remember to always eat what you kill!"

"Sir… was that meant for children…" Riza asked as Roy nodded. "Sir, you've killed human beings before… that's cannibalism…"

Realizing what he just said, Roy corrected himself, "Never mind! Cannibalism is a bad thing!"

"Why is everyone in this show a fucking moron?" Groaned Ed and Al.

"Hey that's mean!" Goku said, "A better question would be to ask; why is everyone in this show a fucking alchemist?"

**Well thank you all for reading this ridiculously crazy story xD I don't own FMA OR GOKU OR ANY REFERENCES THAT I MADE! Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoyed this short crackfic! Please review and tell me if this was good, this is my first attempt at a crackfic and I would love to hear what you all think!**

**THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!**


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